


Post Traumatic Stress is Real

by iceprinceloki



Series: Forays Into Indecency or Daniel is a Poor Choice of Friend [9]
Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Drunken Confessions, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Nervousness, Past Rape/Non-con, Porn Watching, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:48:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iceprinceloki/pseuds/iceprinceloki
Summary: Louis realizes why he was so badly affected by the events of the previous work, and confesses a secret of his past to his lovers and finds them more accepting than expected
Relationships: Armand/Daniel Molloy, Armand/Louis de Pointe du Lac, Daniel Molloy/Louis de Pointe du Lac
Series: Forays Into Indecency or Daniel is a Poor Choice of Friend [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553704
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Post Traumatic Stress is Real

I spent a week avoiding my lovers, as soon as I’d wake I would find some reason to go out for the night by myself. 

The night after my experience in the adult store was the worst of the nights. I woke slightly earlier than usual and found them awake, on either side of me peppering my face with kisses, hands questing over my chest. 

‘I uhm- I need to get up…’ I stammered.

Armand nuzzled our noses together and made a noise of disappointment. ‘Aw…why? What’s the rush my heart? It’s pouring rain outside, we’ve decided to have a bed night….stay in…watch movies…cuddle…a warm bath….you should stay here where it’s warm…’

I sat up gingerly pushing them off and scrambling off of the bed. ‘I need to hunt, I can’t go a night without hunting….’

‘Drink from us? We’ll be fine….’ Daniel tried, looking confused.

I shook my head and put my shoes on, not even changing my clothes or going to shower. ‘No thank you I need to go out anyway for a bit, I want to go do some things by myself.’

They looked as though I slapped them and I felt awful for it, but the memory of the DVD came to mind and reinforced my decision to slowly disengage from the relationship.

The nights following continued in a similar fashion and I found my sleep schedule was changing, I started to wake at the same time as them and fall asleep at the same time as well. I assumed it was the anxiety interfering with my instinct. My appetite also grew stronger and much to my disdain I found myself needing two victims a night instead of one. By the end of the week my appetite was voracious and I took three victims on the Saturday night. 

My mistake was that the victims were all slightly drunk, and perhaps a bit high, which I feel very strongly because I am not very powerful. After feeding I felt an intense desire to go home and be with my two lovers, I needed to cry, I felt overwhelmed and emotional and I ran back to trinity gate. 

Even in the years when I had been with Lestat I never felt as anxious and uncertain and lost as I did with these two men. I felt so behind them in experience, knowledge, and it was overwhelming to be out of control. Although I was used to losing control to Lestat, it was different with these two, because they were entering unchartered territory with me and they had the upper hand.

I was overwhelmed, it became clear to me as I ran, I was overwhelmed and out of kilter and I just needed to be stabilized and consoled. I needed to know that my lovers wouldn’t hurt me and that I was safe, and would remain safe. Suddenly I realized my current state had nothing to do with the DVD, it was everything to do with how I felt when I put myself into the scenario. How powerless, unsafe and violated I felt, regardless of how unlikely it was that they would ever harm me. I’d felt that violated and unsafe before, and I was terrified that I could be in such a situation again.

They were sitting in the lounge cuddling on the couch, talking to each other in soft voices when I staggered in. I must have looked like a disaster zone because they were on either side of me leading me to the couch in an instant. 

‘Louis what’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?’ Daniel was frantic and he wiped at my face with a tissue.

I was crying blood tears then. The state I was in was unusual, I was mentally aware of what was happening but I had no control over what was happening; it was like I was watching my body do what it pleased and I was separate from it.

Armand and Daniel fussed over me until I quieted down and became a solemn and miserable lump on the couch. They were kneeling in front of me holding my hands, staring at me with concern.

‘Louis what’s going on? You can tell us anything….we’re here for you love….’ Daniel stroked my knuckles kindly.

I couldn’t speak around the lump in my throat, I wanted so badly to confide in them but knew I couldn’t. If they knew about what I’d seen on the DVD and that I was trying to pull out of the relationship they’d be so hurt. 

‘Louis….’ Armand squeezed my other hand reassuringly. ‘Have we done something wrong?’

I blinked in surprise and shook my head no. ‘Of course not, what makes you think that? I’m not upset with you!’

Daniel shifted to sit beside me on the couch. ‘Then what’s wrong? You’ve been avoiding us all week…and we’ve noticed some changes….’

I looked between them nervously, trying to think of a plausible explanation. I looked around the room trying to stall and find some reason they could believe for my behaviour and tears. They were becoming more worried as I became more agitated.

‘It’s nothing it’s stupid.’ I finally mumbled, feeling embarrassed that I’d put up such a fuss.

Armand stroked my hair back over my ear. ‘It’s not stupid if it upsets you caro….please let us help….’

I swallowed hard and pulled the words out of a memory long since forgotten; or rather deeply buried in my psyche. ‘I’m upset about things that happened in the past, it’s nothing for either of you to worry about. It just….I just remembered it out of nowhere and it upset me and I just haven’t stopped thinking about it.’

I buried my face in my hands and shook my head. Daniel squeezed me comfortingly around the waist.

‘What happened?’ 

I looked up at Armand’s concerned face and felt guilty for avoiding the whole truth. I knew I should have told them the whole story starting with the damned DVD, but I was cowardly and couldn’t bear to explain what I’d done. The memory came to the front of my mind of Lestat forcing me to the ground and sinking his fangs into my neck, ignoring my cries of protest, it had happened not long after I was made; and it had continued right through our time together.

I had obviously projected the memory because Daniel gasped and Armands face darkened.

'Lou you never told me that in the interview...'

‘It happened so long ago it hardly matters…I’m more upset about how it’s making me feel about this…’ I could barely hear my own pitiful answer. 'I don't want to talk about what he did...'

Daniel ducked his head to catch my eye. ‘What do you mean how you feel about this Lou? Is something wrong with this? Are you unhappy?’

‘I’m not unhappy! Make no mistake I love you both and I’m grateful to be a part of your love….I’m just used to being treated one way and I think I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop….’

I was surprised by how true what I’d just said was, as I spoke I realized I did feel that way; I was waiting for the good to come to an end and for the pain to start as it inevitably did with Lestat. I shook myself with the thought that they aren’t anything like him. Armand had read my mind, I could tell by his face.

‘What he did to you will never happen here….not under my roof….’ The auburn haired angel reassured me with a tender squeeze of my hand and a kiss to my cheek. ‘Not in the vampire sense…or the mortal sense…’

I shut my eyes tightly and felt relief flood my system. After a few hours of reassuring them I was fine and I just needed to rest they let me go and I went upstairs to our shared room to have a hot bath and relax.

I washed myself slowly, thinking about the truth I was concealing from my lovers. I still had to avoid them if I wanted to preserve my innocence so to speak, but I couldn’t keep avoiding them with what I’d told them; they would soon get frustrated and demand a real explanation.

I thought back to the DVD and what I’d seen happen to the receiving partner, and how easy it was for the other two to restrain him and force him to take what they gave. It would be even easier for my lovers to do the same to me, but I knew in my head they wouldn’t ever do that to me.

Unfortunately knowing something and knowing something are two different things in my head. I knew they wouldn’t hurt me but I still felt anxiety at the thought of them holding me down and forcing me to accommodate them inside my body. Even though I knew they wouldn’t ever hold me down and force me.

Then again when I’d tried Riccardo for the first time it had been painful to get the tip inside, I tried to reason that maybe it would be the same pain and not as bad as I was imagining. No one would do it if it hurt that much right? I felt slightly better as the thought came through my mind, but my thoughts always combat each other, and my mind had to remind me that Armand and Daniel both associate pain with pleasure so I couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t hurt.

You’re being ridiculous Louis, I chastised myself, Daniel said they know how to make it painless and easy; just trust them. Maybe the DVD is as reliable as the novels? I somehow doubted that, because there was only one way to have sex wasn’t there? There was no way to pretend to be having sex, the actors in the DVD were really doing it; it had to be realistic.

Maybe it’s just the first time, like with women. I wondered with my brow furrowed. Maybe once you’ve done it the first time it never hurts again?

My thoughts were interrupted by my lovers dipping into the bath on either side of me. I hadn’t even heard them come in.

‘What are you thinking about so deeply that you don’t even hear Daniels racket?’ Armand asked playfully.

I blushed and ducked my head sheepishly. ‘Nothing, just stuff…’

Daniel kissed me and wiggled his eyebrows at me mischievously. ‘Stuff?’

‘Yes stuff.’ I replied stubbornly refusing to elaborate.

Daniel snorted a laugh and began cleaning himself while I shyly turned to Armand and offered to wash his hair. The auburn haired demon child lay back in the water in front of me and let me run my fingers through his tresses, lathering them with sweet smelling soap and then rinsing it out. When I finished washing his hair I knew he would need to finish washing himself, because I felt my soul shrivel up with embarrassment at the thought of looking at him and touching him just because I could. No matter how much I wanted to.

We retired to our bed as naked as when we were born, which felt stranger but I also enjoyed it. I was between them beneath the blankets, curtains drawn around the bed, Daniel in front of me and Armand behind. Safe.


End file.
